My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
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