Kiss
Puke
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
