I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Randomize
