omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Randomize
