im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Randomize
