She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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