So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
