did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
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