This is not my ceiling
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Randomize
