if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
