There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Randomize
