I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
i think i have two assholes
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
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