turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
