Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
