this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize
