After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Randomize
