Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
is it fun? or sober?
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
