apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
