Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
this is an emotional support booty call
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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