Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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