i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Randomize
