hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Randomize
