dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
