I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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