"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
I met the friendliest cop last night
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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