She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize