I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
i came on her dog
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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