Screwed.edu
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
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