you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Randomize
