pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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