Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
