Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
