Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
