we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Randomize
