Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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