I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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