dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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