I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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