tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
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