Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
