do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Randomize