Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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