i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
