Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
