New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
