I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
