I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
