we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
