He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
