yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
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