I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize