Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
