I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
