There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Randomize
