fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
