she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Randomize
