my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
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