How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
