We're facebook friends in real life
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize
