i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
