Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Walk of Shame today included voting.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Randomize
