The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
