Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
