why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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