and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
