the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
