dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Randomize
