lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Randomize