I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Randomize
