No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
As shirtless as possible
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
