As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
