I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
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