Ambien. No doubt about it.
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
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