I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
Randomize
