Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Randomize
