so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
