You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
I use my feet as sexual weapons
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