you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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