If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
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