i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
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