wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
I am naked and annoyed.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
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