im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize
