my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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