I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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