Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
